Healthcare— Radiotherapy

Hello friends,

As you probably knew, I had lymphatic cancer and I had written about my overall experience and treatment here. Now, after six months, I am writing the last part of it which you can read the previous posts from these links:

We had progressed to the point where I had done the PET scan and the result was showing good things and my treatment was completely effective. However, I had to undergo radiotherapy or radiation therapy to ensure that no traces of cancer cells remain in my body and are completely eliminated.

Now, of course, six months have passed since that time and my treatment has ended, but the conditions were not such that I could write about it sooner and now I am writing (February/March 2021).

Also, this post, considering that the side effects of radiotherapy are much less than chemotherapy and it is easier, I do not talk much about these things and I speak more from my own experience and the psychological aspect.

Before I want to start, it is not bad to remind you that if you can, you can help children with cancer through the following website. Really, no one deserves to suffer and well, this story, apart from pain, has heavy costs that everyone may not be able to handle, so it’s great if we can make someone happy this way: www.mahak-charity.org

Visit and start of radiotherapy

I start from here that after a while that the PET scan result had come and the doctor’s decision was based on the fact that I had to do radiotherapy and well, getting an appointment from a doctor from the Cancer Institute in Karaj, a week had passed this way (July 2020) that my brother and I went and well, this center is private or semi-governmental, I don’t exactly know. After waiting for about half an hour in the clinic, they called my name and my brother and I went inside and of course, we had brought all the medical documents. By the way, let me say here that I was completely satisfied with my previous doctor, but well, that center was only chemotherapy and for radiotherapy, we had to go somewhere else…

The vibe and energy that I got from the doctor was not good at all and after entering their room, they started asking questions about the disease and treatment history and… What was strange to me was that they had not even looked at the PET-CT image! I said these are the images and they looked at the CT scan before chemotherapy and glanced at the PET scan which has a lot of details and said that I have to have 25 sessions of radiotherapy and the cost is 15 million Tomans (which is 30 million and health insurance gives 50% of it) that because up to this point, a lot of pressure had come on my family for the costs, I told them what if I don’t do it? Is it necessary to definitely have radiotherapy after chemotherapy? The answer they gave was: “If you don’t do it, I will be upset! It’s a pity for the youth, definitely do it” and they gave me a time for next Sunday for the treatment to start and said that if I want the costs to be installment and these…

My brother and I went to the car and I thought a bit… Then since they had taken the original prescription of my previous doctor! (which they should return and only keep a copy of it for the file and apparently they had forgotten) my brother went back and got the prescription… In the car, I thought a lot about how much money was talked about and honestly, I was not very encouraged to do it… I said it doesn’t hurt to go to another doctor (and well, because it would delay the process a bit, the family insisted that I should not worry about the cost and do it and considering the Covid-19 disease and the crowdedness of hospitals, there are not many options) but it was important for me here to definitely go to another doctor and one day with my father (who drove me all this period and I thank him) we went to Imam Khomeini Hospital…

Well, since Imam Khomeini Hospital is governmental and very crowded, but well, the separation of its sections (and the oncology and cancer section that we referred to) caused us to be at least separate from other patients and have minimal risk of getting other diseases, anyway, after referring to the relevant doctor of blood and internal that it is worth saying they were an extraordinary doctor with good manners and had excellent behavior with me both in each visit and during the treatment that well, you understand from the previous sentence that this hospital is going to continue my treatment…

As I said, the doctor we had referred to (the good thing about a government hospital is that they get their doctors from graduates of better universities) and if I had gotten their permission, I would definitely have mentioned their name, they were really a person with good manners and apart from the cost (that radiotherapy is fully covered by insurance and except for the cost of buying some equipment, it is completely free) but what strongly encouraged me to choose here despite the severe crowdedness and the risk of Corona was the importance that the doctor gave to the patients and their behavior…

Prerequisites and Start

As I mentioned earlier, I was very happy with the special behavior and ethics that were dealt with me: The doctor, after asking questions about the background, getting the disease and the course of treatment, carefully examined my medical documents and said that if there is no problem, my medical documents will stay with them for further examination and decision on how the treatment should be.

When we visited the next day, they said I had to have 16 to 18 sessions of radiotherapy and well, until the start of treatment, a mask was also needed called Thermoplastic, which is also called Fixator. Its use is such that as its name suggests, it is a type of plastic that can be deformed by heating it, they deform it on the patient’s face and then tie it to the bed with a clamp so that the patient stays still and does not shake during treatment and they also mark it (something like a sign in games D:) Now I will tell you later what these signs are for.

So we had to prepare it and for me because it was a four-point type, it was a bit lower than the neck, that is, it included part of the chest and because the hospital did not have its own pharmacy, we went to 4–5 pharmacies around and none of them had that special type and it was a bit smaller… We visited the doctor again and thanked them, they gave us an address that was around there and apparently it was the office of the manufacturing company! (To give us this address, they came out of their room in the clinic and we went to another part of the clinic and called and said that it’s okay, they have it and gave us the address, wherever they are, I hope they are successful and alive because they patiently take care of their patients in that crowd)

Let me digress here: During this time, we saw a father with his son who was sick and I think he was 8–9 years old, seeing him was very upsetting, up to here all the patients I had seen were older than me and most of them were middle-aged or older and a few of them were young people aged 27–30, and of course in the lower age there were more women who unfortunately the statistics are not very low and probably because of breast cancer… Anyway, seeing this child, who I saw several times later in the days of the visit that you will read later, was very upsetting and I hope he and all patients, especially children, recover and no one has to wrestle with it.

We went and prepared the mask (the cost was about 350,000 Tomans, which was the only treatment cost that we paid freely and was not covered by insurance) and returned to the hospital that after waiting for the doctor to come, we went to a room where I completely undressed and put the mask in a device (which I think was heating the mask with hot water) then they put the mask on the face and placed it and with the pressure of the hand, in short, they made a mold of me that at first it was very interesting to me and I had not seen such a thing… Of course, I was a bit stressed that what is this and if you remember from the previous writing, I had said that I get stressed from being in a tight place and well, this mask when it gets stiff, it has to be tied to the bed with force! But well, after one or two sessions, I got used to it (although it was naturally too stiff.)

After the mask was ready, it was left to start treatment, which before that I had to go for a CT scan (Imam Khomeini Hospital imaging department and they had given a time for Wednesday, July 21, 2020, when we visited, as usual, the government hospital, I was waiting for 2–3 hours for them to call my name, it’s interesting that in these waiting times of pre-treatment preparations, I saw another young man whose name was also Hamed! And well, they had operated on their neck to remove the food and because they had removed part of the tongue, they said that for a while it was very hard for them to speak and eat, which I have no doubt and I hope wherever they are, they are fine :)

When they called my name and I entered the room, I undressed (which was a bit hard for me at first and I was stressed) I lay on the bed and put the mask they had made on my body and then with the CT-SCAN device, they could probably see something and with a marker, they marked some points on the mask that probably those places were supposed to destroy the cells with radiation and one sign because there was no room on my own body and it’s funny that they said I have to go and get a tattoo on that spot with a needle so it doesn’t get erased and believe it or not, I’m probably one of the few people who went to the clinic reception and said I have a tattoo and they gave me time to wait for the nurse of that section who considering their age, I think it was their internship to get a tattoo point for me, which was interesting in its own right ? And they said I have a mask and I don’t need a tattoo because they draw the signs on the mask, which was interesting that they had drawn an arrow on the mask that there was no room, they had marked on my chest?

Again, I say the nurses and doctors of the treatment staff of this section were also extraordinary and generally except for the tiring waiting rooms and a little more nervous service (which is logical) the rest of the treatment staff had a very good behavior…

When it was over (which they had said before that this CT scan had to be done for mapping and starting treatment was necessary) and after this a shield was also needed to be installed on the radiotherapy device, which they themselves made in a workshop that was in the same section of the hospital and it did not have a separate cost and was part of the treatment cost that insurance was paying… These shields were several pieces of metal-like on glass plates that I don’t exactly know why they are needed but probably have an effect on the rays that reduce their damage.

Anyway, now everything was ready to start treatment, which was starting from the next week, that is, Sunday, July 25, 2020, and it had to be done every day (except Thursdays and Fridays)

Treatment Process

Well, it was from the next Sunday (July 25, 2020) that my sister and I went for the completion of the medical file, which like all government office work, took a long time and we went up and down the hospital several times (for copying and completing the file related to the hospital clinic and the radiotherapy clinic which is in the basement and has an extraordinary and unique medical staff). Interestingly, they have plastered a part of the basement and made a clean and tidy place, and it seems completely separate from the old hospital, and even the behavior of its medical staff has distinguished it from the hospital, which has made it more interesting. Anyway, when the paperwork and tiring waiting of this section, which had involved us for 3–4 hours, passed (there was also a problem that the financial department had said that I should bring them a certificate of employment because the insurance wants! I don’t know why because my booklet was confirmed and its pages were stamped that anyway, so as not to prevent the start of treatment, they had taken my national card for a few days so that I went to the university twice in the situation of Corona to get this certificate because apparently it was due to the closure that the university’s administrative department was also included!) Anyway, everything was okay and it was Sunday noon when I took my complete file to the basement for the radiotherapy department, they said to go quickly so that they are there and their shift is not over, the first treatment session can also be done…

I went and a form containing some points and a table for times and doses of radiation therapy and summary information like this was in the file, they gave it to me to take to the nurses of the treatment department, who again I say the behavior of the medical staff, especially cancer patients, is very important and may seem ridiculous, but it can have serious effects on the patient because patients in this department, apart from the weak immune system (especially patients with a history of chemotherapy), are also more vulnerable in terms of mental health and well, it’s very good that they have a very reasonable behavior; They looked at the file and said that a shield is needed and my shield was not ready yet! They contacted my doctor and with their permission, they said it was okay and this session could be done without a shield… This section has two separate rooms and devices, and the patients of each section are separate and I don’t know on what basis they separate them, but I was for section A and because apparently the device of this section was being repaired that day, only the first session was done in section B… The treatment process was like this that I lay on the bed in the room and after closing the mask with a clip and adjusting the dose and direction of the radiotherapy device and turning off the lights of this room and leaving the room by the medical staff, it started that after the start of radiation, it makes a sound similar to a Moser razor and every few seconds it makes a beep beep sound and well in the form in two columns of those different doses were written that I had to receive that it took a total of 2 minutes like this and then the device rotated and from another angle that was behind my neck (probably due to the position of the lymphatic device in the body) that in three directions of the neck was marked on the mask! From the side angle, this process was also performed for 2 minutes, so the session took a total of 4–5 minutes and there was nothing special and the rest of the sessions were done similarly.

After the first session, they asked me what time I am comfortable and want to be a morning shift or afternoon, I said morning and the time they gave me was 7:30 (which was later changed to 9 which I say…)

Challenge!

Honestly, radiotherapy was very simple and as much as these long waiting rooms were annoying, radiotherapy itself was not and did not have severe side effects like chemotherapy that after the first few sessions my fear of it had fallen and my mind was more comfortable that it was not going to suffer like before! And only after about 10 sessions that the skin color of my neck and chest had turned a little red due to the rays and sometimes it was a little itchy (which did not hurt) and a little harder to eat and drink liquids (especially hot things like tea) which was completely natural, there was nothing else, I was completely satisfied :) At least everything tasted like themselves and did not have the taste and smell of eating soap!

As I said, the difficulty of treatment was more in its waiting rooms, which was for me because the more I waited, the more anxious I became and it was a little harder for me to pass, which was also the first few sessions and a little that I got used to, I could do other things and usually in this time in the waiting room, I either thought about a lot of things or read a book or something on my phone, in general, it was good.

Of course, they had put a number of magazines and books in the waiting room and a very beautiful wall that you see its picture below (the quality of the photo is a little low due to the reflection of light but its content is important) This wall was the most interesting thing about this hospital department because it was paintings of patients or companions of patients who had been treated there…

What I was staring at most of the waiting time of these 18 sessions, I thought and got a lot of motivation and energy…

Patient and Companion Paintings — Oncology Department / Imam Khomeini Hospital Cancer Institute

Other Sessions

I have written this section about the treatment sessions, which if you think it might be tiring for you, you can skip and not read it. I hope that as much as writing it and the interest in informing others has been attractive to me, it is also attractive itself. Anyway:

The second treatment session was on Monday, July 27, 2020, when we went to the workshop to receive the shield, which they said was not ready yet! And after my doctor stamped that there is no problem with this session and the treatment can be done without a shield (which had upset my doctor and said that they said the shield will be ready on Saturday otherwise they would not start the treatment) both the first two sessions were done without a shield. I went to the basement and the waiting room (from this session it was like this that I went to announce my presence and put my file in turn, which was okay because everyone came at their own time, usually waiting for 20 minutes was okay, but they themselves had said that it might take up to 2 hours from the time of presence) anyway, when they called my name after about 20 minutes, I went and after taking off my clothes, lying down and putting on the mask and adjusting the treatment device, the treatment started and without any problem, this session was also done. Of course, the mask was a bit too tight and even after the treatment, my nose would turn red due to the pressure of the mask, which they said was natural, but some sessions were a bit too tight due to bad placement, which was better with a little shaking!

The next day, that is, Tuesday, July 28, 2020, we went to the hospital workshop to get the shield, which they said still has a bit of work, that if I wait, it will be ready, during this time they contacted me that why I did not attend on time, I said it happened like this, in short, half an hour later when it was ready and I took the shield to the basement for the radiotherapy department and they told me to come at my own time! I said it happened like this and it was interesting to me that if being on time was so important to them, how sometimes I waited for 40 minutes to an hour to start treatment! Anyway, this session was also done as usual.

The fourth session was on Wednesday, which because I do not remember much details about it, almost the normal course of treatment passed and after about 40 minutes in the waiting room and looking and reading the texts on the wall paintings, they called my name and the treatment was done as usual and we returned with my father to take me home, which again I thank him for supporting me all this time…

The fifth session, which was on Thursday, July 30, and the last session of this week, we went and when I announced my presence, considering that this day was very quiet, they quickly called my name and this session was also treated. By the way, in the course of treatment, I had to be visited by my doctor once a week, which was a bit of a story that I will say in the sessions related to it…

Sunday, August 2, 2020, was my sixth treatment session, which they had said from this week instead of 7:30, if there is no problem, from now on I should come at 9 in the morning, which considering the route from Shahriar to there was better for me, well when we went, they had given me a better opinion and now I did not need to go inside the treatment department to announce my presence and they had put someone in the waiting room for this work, which was better because if they were reading someone’s name (because there was no loudspeaker) I could easily understand, after about half an hour they called my name and this session was also done as usual.

The seventh session, that is, Monday, which on Mondays I had to be visited by a doctor (of course I had to go once a week considering the presence of the doctor on Sundays, Mondays and Tuesdays) I had to visit him once a week on one of these days, and my goal of saying it was that it was not mandatory on his day. Anyway, I went to the basement and the treatment process was done as usual after a little waiting and from there I received a file (which contained the doses of radiation, the times of visits and the specifications and details of the treatment) to take to the doctor, I said earlier a bit This section was a story because the clinic, which was on the ground floor, was very crowded on the first days of the week when many doctors were present and I was supposed to be visited on Mondays, and I had to get a turn (which usually I got a turn from the device and went downstairs and my treatment was done and because the doctor came at 9 o’clock) I had to wait in the clinic waiting room, which was almost always crowded, from half an hour to 3 hours, and really the crowd of this hall, the mask for Corona and the heat of Mordad made it a bit difficult, anyway, I also visited him and they said that I had no problem and how the treatment was done and questions like this that I said everything was good and they noted the general condition of the patient and if he had any objections in that file and stamped it and said that there is a need for a blood test that I do and from that day until next week that is for the visit I have time to do it and bring the result to them… Then I took the file again to the radiotherapy department in the basement and we went home.

The eighth session was on Tuesday, August 4, when we went and when I announced my presence after about half an hour, they were reading a name that was not present and then again after 40 minutes, about 5 minutes that they were reading their name and had not attended, they came and told me what my name is, which apparently they intended to call me but mistakenly called someone else D: (and I was thinking to myself that today how long it took and everyone is going why they do not read my name) This session was also done as usual and we went.

The ninth session was on Wednesday, August 5, when after going and announcing my presence after about half an hour, they were reading a name that was not present and then again after 40 minutes, about 5 minutes that they were reading their name and had not attended, they came and told me what my name is, which apparently they intended to call me but mistakenly called someone else D: (and I was thinking to myself that today how long it took and everyone is going why they do not read my name) This session was also done as usual and we went.

The tenth session was on Thursday, August 6, which usually on Thursdays the clinic was quiet and apart from the faster completion of work, there was also a good calm in the clinic, which made Thursdays more likable days :)

When we went, they called my name about 10 minutes later and when I went to the radiotherapy department hall (which I had seen some of the patients several times by now and I was a little more comfortable with the environment) I was waiting for the previous patient to come out, which a nurse who I think was the youngest nurse in this department talked to me a little and asked me if I was a student, I said yes and they asked my age (I was born in 1999 and they were 7 years older than me) and they said where I come from, I said Shahriar and apparently they had spent a period in Imam Sajjad Hospital in Shahriar and well because they were coming from Marlik town (and the morning shift started at 7 o’clock) it was probably a bit hard for them to come there (because I myself have been on the road for two hours for morning classes and two hours to return for almost 4 years, I know that marginalization for those whose job is in the city is hard) I can easily say hats off to them :) and all the nurses and doctors like them who in these difficult conditions and the epidemic of COVID-19 do their job with interest and seriousness and have a good behavior with patients, anyway, this session was also done according to the usual procedure.

Timeout!

Well, you’ve read my experience in 10 sessions so far, and it’s not a bad idea to take a timeout in between and have a break from other things I learned from being in this situation.

Now you know that these strange waiting rooms, apart from teaching me to be more patient, always made me think that behind each of these small sheets is a person, a story, a life, and a separate story. I’m the kind of person who, after a few days behind a computer, likes to go out on the street and just watch people. Just watching them makes me feel good, although sometimes it can be a bit depressing, but for an introverted person like me who tries to be more social by writing and bring about changes in myself; looking at this wall, seeing the paintings and reading their names more than anything else and beyond the fact that there is just a patient behind these sheets, or seeing people who had come with me and sometimes sat down impatiently until their turn came and probably returned to work and their lives, I was thinking that each of them has a story, family and friends who spend time with them, thoughts that they are alone with and maybe regardless of whether they are winners or losers in their story, I would love to read or see about them. So if you are one of these people, it’s great to write about it and really, humanity finds meaning with communication with others.

Another thing was that for me, who was not very comfortable with my family, especially my father and mother, and I could not easily say many of my words (and of course other problems that I am sure have affected it and I do not write about it, but I know that you understand and know that my generation is struggling with it) this disease and the course of its treatment helped me to be more comfortable with people who have a big age difference with me and maybe sometimes lack of motivation and emptiness of life causes a shock for our relationship with people who are important to us and we are important to them or to know the value of people we love and they love us and try to have good moments together.

What I mentioned in the previous article and now makes more sense to write about it is this: finding value in things in life that cannot be bought with money and probably cancer patients know this better than anyone because we had a better understanding of death and that we are not afraid of it, considering the general belief and fears that exist from this disease, people who have failed in this way, so to speak, because of this were not weaker people or lost their motivation. The reason is that they did not have a goal to reach and have motivation for it, so if you are that spiritual value in someone’s life or you can create it for them, if you can be with someone and create a good feeling for them, if you like to travel or create a memory, definitely do this because life may not be that long and count the time as a booty! As I said, these things cannot be bought and give meaning to life :)

Next Sessions

Let’s go to the eleventh session, which since Saturday was a holiday, it will be Monday, August 10, 2020, and well, I had a good rest and it had been three days since the treatment was done. Also during this time, I had the most side effects, which was a bit of a sore throat and discomfort, especially when sleeping, which was nothing that would be very hard, but well, I wanted it to end and get over it! This session was also done as usual and since it was Monday, we went to the clinic on the ground floor and waited for the doctor’s visit, which again after asking if I had any problems and so on, they saw the test result and said that everything is fine and my treatment has also gone well and there is no need for another test because everything is okay, which was happy and after delivering the stamped file to the basement, we went home.

The sessions this week honestly do not have much special and so as not to be repetitive with the previous section, I do not write their details very much and the summary of the twelfth sessions, which is August 11 to the fifteenth, which is Saturday next week, that is, August 15, passed as usual and naturally every morning after visiting and waiting in the waiting room and reading a book on the phone passed and what was newer was the redder skin color and itching of the neck and chest and a little burning that compared to tolerating chemotherapy was nothing and I had no problem …

Let’s get to the sixteenth session, which is Monday, August 17, 2020, when we went and after the treatment was done, we waited again for 2–3 hours to be able to see the doctor and I remember that day the clinic was very crowded and it was really tiring, but anyway, since it was probably the last time, I was happy and after visiting the doctor and the usual procedure and stamping the file, they wrote my end-of-treatment letter and stamped it, which was for me and I had to take it to my previous doctor to decide about me and I had two sessions left from my treatment and since the doctor was not present on Wednesday, we got this letter from them today and they also prescribed two ointments, which were vitamins and a medicine that I had to take one week after the end of treatment to get rid of the burns after treatment, we went home and on the way we also prepared the ointments.

The seventeenth session, which was Tuesday, August 18, 2020, was also done as usual and the nurses of that department kindly told me that there is one session left and it is clear from my face that I am happy that it is over and I want to go on with my life ? And well, they were right, since the start of the disease and its treatment process, about 7–8 months had passed and naturally I was tired and wanted it to finally end …

The eighteenth and final session, which is Wednesday, August 19, 2020, they said to come early in the morning because it is quiet and quickly do my treatment and go and well, early in the morning, happy and cheerful from the fact that it is the last session and it is over, we went and they quickly read my name and the treatment was done, then as usual I thanked the nurses, they asked if I got my end-of-course letter from my doctor, I said yes and after saying goodbye we went home and my treatment ended :)

What was interesting was a week after the treatment and taking the ointment twice a day that they had prescribed, my skin color gradually turned from red to black, which was exactly like a severe sunburn and some places where it had shed a little skin had made a very bad appearance and had a lot of itching but gradually my skin color returned but it was completely eliminated and after another week or two there was no problem, just from the chest to the top of my neck the color was dark which gradually decreased although it is still a bit darker (February 2020)

Anyway, after a week with my sister, with the end-of-course letter to my previous doctor who had started my treatment and had done my chemotherapy, we went and when they saw the burns resulting from radiation therapy, they said it was okay and my treatment was over and “go live your life” and that I have no restrictions and I can eat any food and in short everything is over and after three months I have to give another blood test and go to CT scan to check if the disease has returned or not and there is news of cancer cells or not …

Well, although it would have been late November or early December 2020 three months later, I did the CT scan in December because there was a bit of fear of Corona and other things that are not very important to write about here. But the difficulty of these few months for me, apart from the fact that my body had become a bit weaker, which was clearly due to the low white blood cells in the blood test, I did not have any serious and specific side effects, but there were a lot of psychological pressures and this uncertainty was a bit annoying and it was hard for me, even sometimes it was really not important to me the result of this test and maybe because of reading a lot and the characteristics of the fall season! During this time, I also defended the university project, which as usual was behind the term and my conditions, and the software engineering was over and I hope I can study for a master’s degree and with all its ups and downs, studentship has really been one of the best times of my life so far.

But it was late December 2020 when I did this test and CT scan and its result was ready on Thursday, December 16, 2020, which my father went and got and the next week we went to the clinic with my brother and because it was crowded and when we got the time, we waited for about two and a half hours and after visiting the doctor, they said that the CT scan result is good and there is no mass in my body and except for a cute little dust-like thing that apparently exists in my lungs, there is no problem, which they said it is probably due to the damage caused by radiotherapy and after a while it disappears and there is no problem and they also prescribed the next test and CT scan.

Final Word

Well, this was the whole experience of my treatment and this series of articles ends here and from February 2020 when this adventure started until February 2021 when it ended, I experienced the hardest period of my life in these 21 and a half years, I learned a lot and although it is still hard to return to my normal life and my mental conditions have completely returned, life has its ups and downs and must continue with all its constructs. I have experienced a lot of things with my family and friends and I wanted to share this adventure in the course of life with you who thank you for your time.

Now my treatment is over, I don’t have a job but I am trying to freelance and be a serious programmer, I am currently continuing my interest in teaching from YouTube, Twitch and Aparat because I may not be able to spend time on my interests later due to more responsibilities in my life but I hope teaching in an institute will be part of my future because I really like this job and teaching something is very enjoyable… and I hope that laziness will let me pass the master’s degree and continue my education, as I said, I love being a student and with full confidence it constitutes one of the best times of my life

Something that is probably not very positive but I love it is staying up late and staying awake at night, which recently I have turned to the lifestyle of owls and with reading, thinking, watching movies or playing in the tranquility of the night but the confusion and hangover of the day and insomnia and bad sleep afterwards passes… anyway, it has become part of my existence and preferring nights that may be part of the complexes from the fear that there will be no more time for these things or maybe life is shorter than that these times are lost in them; who knows…

This was the end of a new beginning, with the wish of happiness for all of you and myself and with respect;

Hamed Mahmoudkhani, February 2021